Tactical Error
by brevityofwit
Summary: One-shot. Shikamaru does something no genius ever should: makes a tactical error. Interesting mission with a little NejiShika, ShikaNeji thrown in on the side.


I honestly don't know where this came from. It just did. And it's really strange. The characters might be a little OOC, who knows? And I added a little ShikaNeji-ness just for fun even though they're not the main attraction.

This is for you Daryn Maxwell since you asked for it. Or something like it. Enjoy.

"Speaking"  
'Thinking'  
/Actions/

Disclaimer: I don't own _Naruto_.

Unbeta'd.

* * *

'Only two more hours. Just two...' Shikamaru thought.

The end of the day could not come more quickly for him. Never before had he felt _this _tired in his life. Compared to some A and B rank missions he had in the past few years, this experience was the worst yet. Nothing, absolutely nothing could compare to it.

'Oh well. I just have to make it two more hours and then I'm free.' He told himself and stifled a yawn before turning around.

"Alright class, let's get started," he attempted to project his voice over the frenzy of twenty bodies who were in the middle of the room. They were in the midst of pulling one another's hair, talking animatedly, climbing on each other just for the hell of it, and otherwise acting childish when Shikamaru made his presence known.

And why shouldn't they act childish? They were nine and ten-year-olds after all.

Shikamaru sighed when none of the children appeared to have noticed him. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"Why did I get assigned to do this again?" he muttered to himself.

"Hey, listen up!" This time he projected his voice over the crowd of pre-pubescent children. All twenty heads turned to look at him, eyes wide at the sound of his voice.

"Thank you," he said in a bored tone. "Lunch is over now, so please get back to your seats—" He was cut off by the sound of feet scrambling and chairs moving "—and we'll get back to where we left off."

Shikamaru turned around to begin writing on the blackboard when he heard a high-pitched, "Sensei!!"

His head slumped forward. 'What is it now?' he thought and turned around.

Half the children were in their seats while a few others were crowded around one girl's desk. Said girl was the one who screamed for Shikamaru and was now pointing at her chair.

"What is it Hinami?" he asked the ten-year-old.

"I don't know. I think it's…" she looked up at him, her eyes wide. "Blood."

Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow. "Now, Hinami I'm sure it's not—"

"Hinami's going to die!" A little boy shouted which cascaded into a chorus of shouts from the rest of the class. Most of the children were screaming now; their cries ranging from "There's a murderer in the school!" to "We're all going to die!" and "I'm dying, I'm dying!"

Now it was Shikamaru's turn for his eyes to go wide at the spectacle. His mind was working on overload in an attempt to determine the best solution.

'Must. Get. Situation. Under. Control…NOW.' He thought and clasped his hands together.

Suddenly, no one moved.

All twenty children stood frozen in their various positions of flight away from the bloody chair. Shiakamru's hands still formed the seal for his kage-mane as he controlled the shadows of his students.

"Now, everyone please remain calm. I'm going to release the jutsu and I want everyone to stay where they are. No one is dying. There is no escaped murdered. No on is _going _to die. You are all safe."

He released the jutsu and the children shifted so they were either standing next to their seats or sitting. Everyone except Hinami who had fled to the front of the classroom when Shikamaru released their shadows and had attached herself to his leg.

He looked down at Hinami and asked, "Where is there blood on your desk?"

She looked up at him with large, round eyes brimming with tears. "On the seat. It wasn't there before."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded her head.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and carefully made his way to her desk as she was still attached to his leg. He look at the chair and sure enough there was a mysterious red stain on the seat.

'Figures this would happen to me,' he sighed mentally.

"What is it sensei?" one boy asked.

"Is Hinami dying?" a girl piped up.

"No," Shikamaru turned to the class. "She's not dying. Everything is okay. This is just a result of a girl getting her period ear—"

Shikamaru froze before he could fully pronounce the word "early," his mind screaming "TACTICAL ERROR!" over and over again.

"Sensei," Hinami looked up at Shikamaru, "What's a period? Is it bad? Am I going to DIE?"

Once again, a chorus of voices filled the room with "Is it dangerous?" and "Should we be afraid?" and "Is it going to kill us?"

But only one word registered in Shikamaru's mind.

'Shit.'

* * *

A door slammed and Neji poked his head out of the bathroom door, toothbrush still in his mouth. Once he noticed Shikamaru he turned back and resumed brushing his teeth.

He didn't think much of the door slam until he heard an audible "argh!" from the kitchen. He walked into the room to find Shikamaru banging his head against the table.

"Long day?" he asked, going up behind his boyfriend and rubbing his shoulders, noting that they were very tense indeed.

"You have no idea." Shikamaru talked into the table as his head was still resting against its surface. "Why did I ever agree to do this?"

"You're a good person, that's why. The hokage knew this would be a good job for you."

He raised his head up and said, "No one ever told me I would have to teach sex education."

Neji stopped rubbing Shikamaru's shoulders as he was intrigued by the conversation now. "You did what?"

Shikamaru grumbled before he continued. "After lunch a girl noticed a red stain on her chair and thought she was dying. The kids started shouting and when I got them to settle down I inadvertently mentioned that she probably just got her period early, which caused them all to question just what exactly this mysterious "period" was. They wouldn't let the topic go so I had to explain it to them."

He shuddered. "It was horrible. They looked at me like I was some sort of space alien when I told them why girls do…_that_ and they ahd more questions and that lead to…oh man. Never again. Their parents should have told them this stuff years ago!"

Neji snickered. "You did what?"

Shiakamaru just turned and glared. "I already told you. It was tactical error that I'm never going to make. EVER. Again."

Neji smiled to himself and began his ministrations once more. "Okay. Even geniuses make mistakes."

"Shut UP." Shikamaru's voice got one octave higher before he slumped in the chair. "Anyway, it turned out that the girl didn't even get her period. It was just red paint. The class before was doing some sort of art project and it spilled and she didn't happen to notice until after lunch when all hell broke loose."

Neji bit his lip to hide another snicker. "Well, at least you learned something."

"Yeah," Shikamaru leaned back and brought his hands up to grab onto Neji's and pull him closer. "This should have been an S-rank mission and not a C-rank. I should be getting paid more for this."

Neji smiled even though Shikamaru couldn't see it since he was still behind him. "That may be true but you still have two more months of until their regular teacher gets back from maternity leave."

"Why me? Pre-genins are soo much easier to deal with."

Shikamaru groaned and banged his head down, once more, against the table. "Substituting at public school is hell."

* * *

Like I said, not sure where this came from, but I think it's an accurate portrayal of just how chaotic elementary classrooms can be.


End file.
